Soda

Growing up, my mom never let us have soda, because in every soda container, whether it be bottle or can, there is a tiny demon living inside. Everybody knows that. There was a time when my mom found an empty coke can in my sister's and my room. This particular can actually belonged to our friend who had been over that day. I'm not sure if she didn't believe us, or just wouldn't let us get a word in; but either way, she proceeded to give an hour long lecture on the dangers of drinking soda. One can, she said, could give us liver failure, kidney failure, general organ failure, amputated limbs...after which, of course, both of us suddenly began to picture ourselves taking a sip of soda and suddenly having all our limbs pop off at the same time. Needless to say we didn't take her very seriously...and then one day, all of our limbs just popped off, and didn't we feel like idiots then!
But anyway, back to the real world. My mother's strict rules about soda cruelly forced us into the deep bowels of high fructose corn syrup deficiency, which, of course, gave us super soda sensors...*dramatic music playing*...It was a day just like any other. I was in the upstairs bathroom doing what any normal 11 year old girl would do in a bathroom (most likely trying on all of my sisters' makeup at the same time), when suddenly I heard a noise. It was a faint noise, which anyone else probably would have dismissed. But I knew that sound immediately. I thought to myself, "could it be?! NO it can't be!!! It has to be! How could this be?!", ran downstairs at top Pardee speed (which is pretty fast if you don't know any Pardee's), and sure enough, there it was on the table. An opened, but full can of Pepsi, just sitting there, waiting for me. My next thought was, "this is too good to be true, it must be a trap!" I looked around cautiously and tiptoed up to the table. But just as soon as the sweet high fructose corn syrup nectar touched my lips, an angry voice behind me shouted, "Marta! Dang it I knew if I left that can here for one second, someone would hear it and drink it!" Alas...I was not victorious.